Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
