P.S. I can't hear my feet
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
