The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize