i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
