just come out here and I will go home with you...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
