We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
