my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
