hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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