i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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