Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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