Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
