My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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