i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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