His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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