So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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