He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
