she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
