Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
