Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
