Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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