You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
