so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
