I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
