Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
