yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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