i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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