Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She announced her abortion via fbk
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Couch. On fire.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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