Will you blow on my dice?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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