planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
