I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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