Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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