Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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