I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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