I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
