doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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