I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
