Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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