From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
