just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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