Nicole vs. Life
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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