Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
