Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
