My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
