she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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