I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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