the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
