Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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