life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
