and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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