I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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