um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
