Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
