I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
