My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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