it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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