Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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