he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also, beer. Big fan.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
