happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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