we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
