I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I love having hate sex.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
