dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Randomize
