I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
that is very illegal...i love you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
