Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
