i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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