PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
