3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
